Falderal Jazzman Effects Pedal/Preamp for Jazz Bassists

This thing is totally unbelievable. Have you always wanted to play jazz, but just don't have the same chops as the other players you jam with? Do you wish you could play like Ray Brown, but don't want to put in the time... you know, practicing? Are you chasing instant gratification, and the ability to play real jazz, even though you ain't hip to the musical knowledge or life experience required to do it well?

Well, we've got the gear to make it happen. No more tedious music theory required - now you can buy a pedal to simulate those jazz bass skills you've always wanted to have.

This new pedal from Falderal -- with sophisticated A.I., DSP, and TZO generators -- will definitely turn the heads of your bandmates. The second you plug into it, they're going to wonder where you suddenly got all that soul. No one needs to tell them it comes from the sophisticated digital processing engine of this amazing little preamp box.

Controls

Here's what you have at your fingertips:

• • Level
    The level knob is actually not connected to anything; an internal regulator ensures that your volume will always be just a little too low for you, and just a little too loud for the rest of the musicians, no matter where you have it set.
    
    
  • Style
    From New Orleans/Chicago Style Dixieland, to Swing, to Bop, to Avant-Garde - you can dial in exactly the right style to fit the sound of your group. Tonal and stylistic filters give you the authentic sound and feel of the style you're after, even if you're actually playing a P-Bass with a pick.
    
    
  • Temperature
    Whether your jazz is "Cool" or "Hot" - there's a setting for that! (Lukewarm setting not recommended.)
    
    
  • Swing
    We all know that it don't mean a thing without that swing, right? If your playing is a little too rigid, use this control to acheive exactly the right amount of swagger to create an instantly infectious groove.
    
    
  • Syncopation
    Stuck in a rhythmic rut? Shake it up a bit with some syncopation. Crank it up to take you out of your habit of always playing straight quarter notes like a real square.
    
    
  • Out
    Is your playing too predictable, because you're afraid to leave the comfort of the song's actual scale? Set this control to 11 and you'll get WAAAAY out - so far out, even the drummer may notice!
    
    
  • Vinyl
    Excellent for recording sessions, this nifty function adds the subtle sounds of vinyl record artifacts (crackle, pops, reduced low-end to completely suck the bass right out of the recording). Now that's hip!
    
    
  • Ray Brown Switch
    Pretty self-explanatory. Flip this switch, and like magic, you play like Ray.
    
    
  • SOLO button
    Taking a solo? Kick this switch - the pedal's internal mic will capture the sound of the audience loudly talking and clinking glasses during your bass solo, and create a phase-opposite signal, effectively cancelling out their rudeness and allowing your genius to finally be heard. Use with care - most audiences have never actually heard a bass solo and may be confused and disoriented.
    
    
  • ACTIVE button
    Turns the effect on and off. When the preamp is active, the light glows a kind of blue.

Ask us about the "NHØP Mod" - a special modification that doubles the note output!

Some other important specifications are below - scroll down for info!

So, hopefully you've figured it out by now, but this totally isn't real. We hope you've gotten (at least) a giggle out of this, and thanks for visiting!